I am having a rough night, and I don’t really have anyone to talk to about it. I’m not sure I would be able to express it to them in a meaningful way either. At the moment I am extremely self involved and self conscious which manifests itself in food restriction, body and image dysmorphia, and a general lack of confidence and self esteem.
I’m trying to find someone who understands, I guess. I guess I like when I get to talk to someone in therapy because I know it isn’t for anyone besides me. Sometimes I feel ashamed that I go into a room and talk at someone to process my first world problems and privileged existence. But, still, I understand the value of talk therapy because it allows me to process things I normally wouldn’t say out loud for the very reason I just mentioned. And that is precisely why I’m writing this note. Since I’m home alone and I don’t particularly like anyone who is available for me to talk to in person, I’m going to use this as my soundboard.
Today in therapy I talked to Sarah mostly about my eating issues, which, outside of an honest environment such as the one Sarah has created at her office, I don’t really care to address in any sort of constructive way. When I am alone, no one is policing me, and I am free to succumb to the feeling and belief that I don’t want to stop restricting and losing weight. I guess I don’t really care any more.
Sarah and I discussed what I’m missing out on when I focus a large amount of my energy on my obsession with food. I know I’m must be missing out on a lot, but I can’t identify what exactly. I think it may be a defense mechanism I’m using so I don’t have to think about what I actually want in life.
If you’re an adult, especially if you’re new to being an adult, you need to start being aware of how your interactions with minors will affect them. It doesn’t matter if you still feel like a teenager and it doesn’t matter if your underage friends are super duper mature in your conversations with them. As an adult, it is up to you to place boundaries and not cross them for the sake of keeping the minors in your life safe. It is up to you to know what is and isn’t appropriate to say and do to them. Please think critically about the way you interact with minors and don’t hassle them, pressure them, or make them feel unsafe for any reason under any circumstances. You’re the adult. You should know better.
